My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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