She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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