I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
