A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
