I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
