You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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