well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
