you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
