Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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