I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
