Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
