Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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