Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
