Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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