I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
