ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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