OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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