I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
