dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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