Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
