Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
