Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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