is your mom at the bar?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
