I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
