dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I faked an abortion last night.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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