i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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