We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
