i need an iv and a liver transplant
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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