No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
