Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
