So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
