I need help removing her.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
3 2 1 whiskey
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
