$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
