i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
