**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
