imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
