dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
