her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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