Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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