I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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