Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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