I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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