you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up under a house in Key West
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