the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
