Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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