i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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