Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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