"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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