after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
