I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
