So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
