you guys were way drunker than both of me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
