I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
