lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
