he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
