Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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