Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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