Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
