his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
