In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
