what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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