fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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