My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
